It occurred to me that, up until now, I've been almost completely ignoring a VERY important part of the whole Hickerson equation, and that is of his collaborators.
You see, Buddy has a network of friends and nere-do-wells on whom he quite often depends for emergency Quigman gags. Until now, I have only noted these collaborative efforts when the gag had been used before, but not anymore. From here on, this page will be devoted to new Quigman gags written (or drawn) by anyone other than dear, old Buddy. The perpetrator's, I mean, the collaborator's name is added parenthetically after the gag.
I can only imagine that the moment any of his little helpers wise up and show Buddy the door he'll just as quickly re-run the gag minus their accreditation. Time will tell.
By the way, this is by no means a complete list. I only started taking more complete note of the gag-writer's names in 2004. Who knew he'd make a habit of it?
3-27-03: Two wine bottles - "Yeah, I guess I've really mellowed with age." (Szyszka)
10-24-03: Skunk - "Hey kid, pull my finger!" (Szyska)
12-16-03: "I guess you may have noticed I been using the Suave shampoo." (Szyszka)
2-10-04: Cruel genetic mutant kids. "Hey, 'Two Eyes'! Ha, ha, ha, ha!" (Szyszka)
2-17-04: "Hello, I'm Russell Crowe and I've felt the need to attach myself to a new project: The Stair Master and Commander." (Szyska)
2-28-04: "Y'know, it's not what you make that matters... it's what who you KNOW makes." (Szyszka)
3-2-04: Apples - "Happy anniversary, honey!" "Uh.. don't you think gettin' me a juicer is just a little on the passive-aggressive side?" (Szyszka)
3-23-04: Two flies - "Hey, Herbie ... I think I stepped in something." (Szyszka)
4-28-04: "I wanted to attend the codependency workshop but I couldn't find anyone to go with me." (Parkin)
5-3-04: "One of my biggest regrets is getting this stupid roaming plan." (Palmer)
5-15-04: "So, remember, fashion freaks, animal prints are OUT this year, and solids are in, in, in!" (Szyszka)
5-21-04: Big, tough Pikachu -"You wanna take my kids outta your pocket?" (Szyszka)
5-27-04: Bob mistakenly stumbled across the fountain of Truth, which proclaims: "Not only are you getting old, but you're gettin' kinda chunky." (Szyszka)
6-12-04: I see you've got freckles...I just have the one. (Szyszka)
6-19-04: Dog - "I guess you might say I specialize in lawn ornaments." (Szyszka)
6-22-04: "You like sun-dried tomatoes, right? Well, dis is sun-dried chicken. Guaranteed four days in the sun, minimum. (Nino)
6-26-04: "I met this nice girl named Angela and gave her my phone number, but she hasn't called me yet." "Give it a rest, Bob! That was in '93." (Parkin)
7-7-04: Bad hints from Heloise - "Lady bugs really spice up a salad." (Little)
7-17-04: Tired of paying too much for high-falootin' gourmet coffee? Then try Tasteless Choice! (Signature Illegible)
8-10-04: Paint brushes - "Yeah, and you KNOW he's gonna take all the credit." (Szyszka)
8-14-04 : Giant fish - "Well, lucky, lucky you! I'm in a bitin' mood!" (Szyszka)
8-20-04: "Dude, where's my carb?" (Rocco)
8-21-04:"Awright, move along, buddy ... nothin' to see here." (Parkin)
8-24-04: The Leeches at home. (Szyszka)
8-31-04: Another small step in America's fervent quest to poodle-ize the world. (Mckinley)
9-4-04: The Dog Whisperer - "If you could just shut it up long enough, I might be able to cure the stinking, wretched thing's brain." (Apparantly drawn by a guest artist. Click here to view a side-by-side comparison.)
9-7-04: Queer Eye for the Homeless Guy: "Okay, we're gonna paint your box, tweeze your nose, burn your clothes..." (Martin)
9-13-04: The Hamsters at home: Y'know Wendell ... just once , I'd lie to read the morning paper before you shred it with your incisors." (McKinley)
10-6-04: Psychiatrist to cow - "Where does all this self-loathing come from, Elsie?" "I'm lactose-intolerant, Doc." (parkin)
10-19-04: "What is this, Al, another one of your lame, get-rich-quick schemes?" "Are you casting aspersions on my Pet Stick?" (Martin)
10-20-04: "Like I said: All displays of bodily piercings will results in school suspension." (Wolfe)
10-27-04: Aliens - "Okay, hold still, son ...you've got a satellite in your eye." (Szyszka)
10-28-04: "We may have fried the wrong muppet, Al. DNA tests show the real killer was more of a cotton-poly blend." (Mckinley)
10-30-04: "I'm sorry, Bob. I was cleaning it and it went off." (Szyszka)
11-1-04: Martha Washington didn't mind the open-mouth kisses ... it was pickin' out the splinters that got on her nerves. (Szyszka)
11-30-04: Mel's No-Pest Jumpsuit: a big summertime favorite. (Parkin)
12-9-04: "Excuse me ... can I have the time, roughly?" "Sure! It's (physical violence ensues) 12:45!" (Nino)
12-22-04: Ichabod Crane with pumpkin head - Girl: "No, no... I swear, it's not that. I just can't date a man named Ichabod." (Szyszka)
12-25-04: Rudolph is arrested - Santa:"But officer! His nose is always that color!" Cop:"Yeah. Yeah. Tell it to the judge!" (Szyszka)
1-6-05: What's Up With Mozart - "What's the secret of my beguiling compositions? I like to say: If it ain't baroque, don't fix it." (Palmer)
1-14-05: Sheep - "Whoa, Cedic! I dig the 'fro!" (Szyszka)
1-18-05:Cop - "I'm gonna have to ticket you ... yer car's parked in a fire lane." (Szyszka)
1-20-05: "Now that's what I call SOME follow-through." (Szyszka)
1-28-05: Something in his appearance told Francine that Siegfried had been dumped many times before. (Szyszka)
2-4-05: Dogs at bar - "I sniffed the little one. He's totally hot." (Moffin)
2-5-05: Alien disco - "Okay, you in the back with the big eyes... you can go in." (Szyszka)
2-12-05: Psychiatrist on ledge - "Oh, hello, Mr. Quigman ... would you mind having your session out here today?" (Szyszka)
3-2-05: Psychiatrist - "You're not showing good progress, Mr. Quigman! You need to let go of some of the things you're holding onto! GIMME!" (Detmers)
3-9-05: Mummies - "you ever get that 'not-so-fresh' feeling?" (Szyszka)
3-16-05: "You watch yerself, Ardell ... that old, expired milk'll turn on ya." (Parkin)
4-20-05: Help me, I have panhandlers elbow. (Parkin)
4-25-05: "I can tell you're getting excited about this ... you're getting goose bumps!" "Well, actually, I am a goose, so... my skin just feels like that." (Bonno)
4-26-05: "Listen, honey, it's a youth industry. I'm sorry, but sixteen is way past ingenue!" (Szyszka)
5-3-05: Since the dawn of caller I.D., Bob had lost all hope of ever having a second date. (Szyszka)
5-7-05:"I want to get in touch with my inner self. .. but the line's always busy." (Little)
5-18-05: Horse - "So the whole time I'm racin', I notice her eyein' up my jockeys." (Szyszka)
5-24-05: "I don't know, Doc ... I have this overwhelming fear of being tied down." (Szyszka)
5-25-05: "Looks like flesh-searing heat all week, except for Thursday, when it inexplicably dips to tepid." (Szyszka)
5-31-05: Spider - "I feel like I'm just hanging by a thread, doc." (Szyszka)
6-4-05: "I can't believe he's leaving! He must have seen my trick lip." (Szyszka)
6-11-05: "Nice dimple." "Oh, naaa ... that's just an old, infected piercing hole." (Szyszka)
7-8-05: "Dude, you know if people were chickens, nobody would ever egg anybody's house." (Szyszka)
7-9-05: Poverty Barn - "Hey, c'mon! I took the glitz off for ya! today only, I got a deal on cans and barely used wallets!" (Szyszka)
7-12-05: Fish - "Oh, please! Check out Mr. Hoity-Toity over there with his bottled water!" (Szyszka)
7-13-05: Francine's last resort: the hamburger-shaped Bobzapper. (Szyszka)
7-14-05: "I never realized how beautiful your eyes were until I saw my reflection in them." (Szyszka)
7-15-05: "I'm just not satisfied with my chakra alignment." (Szyszka)
7-21-05: Plastic Surgery Outlet - "Do you people do brain enhancements?" (Parkin)
7-25-05: The Boxer Rebellion - "Remember men, we're fightin' for our Constitutional right to wear undergarments with that loose, roomy feeling! Don't shoot until you see the whitie-tighties!" (Szyszka)
7:26-05: Marnie grows uneasy when she begins to suspect that her Oompa-loofa might possibly be alive. (Rocco)
7-28-05: "Now that we've been together a while, Maureen, I think you should know ... I'm not really a famous hockey star. I'm a toothless hick." (Szyszka)
8-10-05: Car salesman - "So! What's your price range today?" "Well, today's it's anywhere between free and you payin' me!" (Parkin)
8-12-05: Running Sky was saddened when he discovered someone had drank the beers he'd floated in the creek. (Szyszka)
8-15-05: The Dukes of Martha's Vineyards (Hodges)
8-17-05: "As a hillbilly, I don't think you're adjusting very smoothly here, Zeke. I'm going to have to release you from the account executive position." Zeke - "Wrassle ya fer it, boss!" (Parkin)
9-2-05: "Get ready to lose weight! I'm Susie and this is my assistant, Terry the Tapeworm!" (Rocco)
9-3-05: Following in the skid marks of their parents, kids get caught up in 'tricycle rage'. (Szyszka)
9-8-05: The oil crisis goes to level green. Bush - "Hey! We don't have to depend on foreigners for oil. We could just drill into this olive!" (Lerner)
9-9-05: "I can't believe you're so thin. Every time Isee you you're chewin' on a cookie!" "It's the same cookie, and it's made of rubber." (Szyszka)
9-13-05: Lost & Found - "I lost my temper." (Szyszka)
9-15-05: William Morris the Cat (Rocco)
9-21-05: Zombie Dating Service - "I'm looking for a woman with brains." (Szyszka)
9-30-05: "Check it out, Jennifer! Thanks to global warming we now have beachfront property!" (Flatow)
10-5-05: "It's always 'Quasimodo this' and 'Quasimodo that'. Well, I gotta name! It's Humpy! And without me, you'd be nothing! so introduce me to the chick!" (Szyszka)
10-11-05: Recreation Time in Rehab - "We've all been there, Marcie. The first six steps are always the hardest." (Parkin)
10-18-05: "Hey! Check it out! Baby's got back!" (Szyszka)
10-22-05: Francine induces labor in Bob. (Carlin)
10-26-05: Times were so bleak that the only way bob could experience a warm fuzzy was to clean out his lint trap. (Brown)
10-27-05: She: "Are your dreadlocks moving?" He: "Don't be silly. Those aren't dreadlocks. That's my caterpillar ranch." (Szyszka)
10-31-05: "I'm sorry you don;'t feel well, honey (Dracula) but how do you expect me to make my spaghetti without garlic?" (Rocco)
12-19-05: "Thank god you're here, Smokey! Hey! Why are you using that flame thrower?" "Smokey's dead. I'm his evil twin, Arsonie." (Mckinley)
12-22-05: Frosty, the Abominable Snowmaniac. (Szyszka)
1-7-06: Police line-up with nerds - "So which one of dese guys tampered with your bits?" (Szyszka)
1-10-06: Butterfly - "I don't know, doc ... I have this overwhelming fear of being pinned down." (Szyszka)
1-23-06: "I wouldn't worry about it, Frank. With a personality like yours, you're in no danger of identity theft." (Culbert)
1-24-06: "Try to calm down, ma'am. Now just exactly how was the steak smothered?" (Parkin)
1-30: "Alright, maybe you're not giving me the full-on tough love, but it sure feels chewier than usual." (Rocco)
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