Choose Heaven

Catchy title, don’t you think? This is my first Mommy “blog” (can we call it something else…maybe “grog”?) and it’s not going to be typical.

Funny, irreverent and optimistically cynical, I’m a quintessential New York Momma with a slight difference. I live on Long Island, and have two perfect children—Emily and Benjamin. Okay, maybe not completely perfect, but every child is perfect, right? Especially yours!

What I’d love to do here is address common issues, add a little humor to the equation, maybe even some travel tips (we’re fast approaching the wonderful world of Summer Vacation!) to ease your pain, I mean, enjoy quality time with and without the young ‘uns.

What do I know? I know less and less these days, as memory cells diminish, but I know children—mine and lots of others. So, let’s get down to business: Benjamin (who told me he was officially “Ben, mommy”) when he was six, is a delightful child in temperament, personality and not so bad in the brains department. Emily (who is now officially “Emmy”) is my first born and you know what that means—she was REALLY pissed off when we brought Ben home from the hospital.

In fact, and this is true, so I don’t want angry letters—nice ones are welcome. When Emily (who is 27 months older than Benjamin, ok, Ben) saw us bring Ben home after seeing him in the nursery, she was devastated. “But mommy, I wanted the black baby.” Too bad kid. But I did buy her a Black Baby doll which she loved to pieces, named “Robin.”

And she learned to tolerate, even enjoy Ben…until….you know—he started crawling and getting into her stuff. Bigg no-no with Miss Emily, whose personality led my husband (Lewis-but prefers Lew…oy vey with the names) and I to believe Em would make a terrific trial lawyer. Always negotiating, always bargaining, darling Em was a…..challenge and a delight! Because she’s perfect!

And as for my background (in case you think I’m a horrible mother—telling the truth and all): I am a freelance travel/entertainment writer who used to have a weekly column on parenting in Newsday (when it was still a good paper). I’ve also been published in The New York Times, lots of daily papers and travel magazines. Blah blah blah.

I’ve been through it all—diaper dilemmas (eww—cloth), sibling rivalry, eating oddities, playtime rules and playgroups. Also, I’m a huge fan of doing stuff with your kids—even if it’s just worm-hunting in the yard. Going to an age-appropriate live play would be preferred, but you can’t always get what you want. Mick Jagger stole that line from me.

I plan on updating this as often as possible, considering we’re embarking on a huge move West. And my title? Well, I grew up (sort of) in Philadelphia and Yo! is a real greeting. Remember the first Rocky? (Let’s pretend the others never happened.) He was always “Yo” this and “Yo” that. “Yo Adrienne!” Remember? So, it’s a little homage to a city I couldn’t wait to leave. Fortunately, my kids did not experience the lovely City of Brotherly Love (whose murder rate is….) which is a good thing.

Next time, we can discuss different ages and stages as well as good places to go with your family this summer.

See you later alligator